Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition!
| A fairy tale for the assertive woman of the 2000's: Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't f**king think so!" Author: Unknown |
| Phenomenal Woman Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care. 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me. Author: Maya Angelou |
| Women Have Strengths That Amaze Men They carry children, they carry hardships and they carry burdens; but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy, and laugh when they are nervous. I know a lady who is so brave, she uses her sense of humor to make the loved ones around her feel better. You know ladies that wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home. A lady friend of your's has kept the secret you told them years ago. and she never brought it up again. Women have special qualities about them. They volunteer for good causes, they are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to shut ins. They teach Sunday school, they are child care workers. They are executives, attorneys, stay at home moms, biker babes and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans and uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up against injustice. They are in the front line at PTA meetings. They vote for the person that will do the best for family and women's issues. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools, their friends a chance to be seen, and for getting their family the right health care. They write to the editor, to their congressman and to "the powers that be" for things that make for a better life. They don't take no for an answer, when they believe there is a better solution. They can wipe a tear, cover a cut and pat you on the back at the same time. They eat a little so their family can have more. They rush to school to pick up a sick child. They stick a love note in their husband's lunch box. They do without new shoes so that their family can have new books. They go to church, they go to girl/boy scout meetings, they go to ALON meetings. They ride the school bus on class trips. They go to the doctors with a frightened friend. They don't make excuses for defending their family or friends. They give a friend some money in a trouble time. They love unconditionally. They are loyal, honest, and forgiving. They are smart, they know that knowledge IS power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Their world consists of goodness, love and caring. They would not let anyone hurt their family or friends. They will be the first in line to sign up for night school, the first in line to swim lessons for their young children, the first in line to get a book signed from their favorite author (hee hee). Women want to be the best for their family, for their friends and for themselves. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They get teary eyed when others do great things. They save their anger for the unjust and the insincere. They tell people that need to be told to straighten up their act. They lend a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a voice to make suggestions. They shout for joy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their heart breaks when a friend dies. They have so much sorrow at the loss of a family member. They are strong, when they think there is not any strength left. They can control situations that seem uncontrollable. They can round up energy when they are tired. They can stay up a little longer to talk to someone that needs a friend. They will rush by your side, when you are lonely. They will give up their favorite TV show to read a bed time story. A women's touch can cure any aliment. A hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. She can make a romantic evening unforgettable. She can bring out the best in their husband, children and friends. They don't mind standing in the shadows. They are not there to push but to gently encourage. They are cheerleaders, teachers, lovers, and important to your daily lives. They can whisper a kind word, scream a loud cheer and laugh away a fear. Women can sew into your heart, that love helps. They can mend your broken spirit and give you back esteem. They can knit a family back together after a break or loss. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and in shapes. They live in homes, apartments or cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail to show you how much they care about you. They have hearts that forgive and forget an injustice. They have hearts that remember a kindness. They have hearts that beat with loyalty and love. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin. Women can cry and laugh at the same time. They can be sad and hopeful at the same time. They can forgive and encourage at the same time. Women do more then just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They teach us to dream and make goals. They give compassion and ideals. They climb into a persons life and make everything better again. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. Women are leaders, but don't want followers. They want people to grow into the best person they can be. They want to touch you in a way that will make you share your goodness with others. One touch can turn a bad day into a a better one. One smile can brighten a sad friend. One extra minute of her time will make a child feel special. One more kiss will make a husband feel loved. Women have a lot to say and a lot to give. Author Unknown |
| Woman In The Glass When you get what you want in your struggle for self, and the world makes you queen for a day, Just go to a mirror and look at yourself, and see what THAT woman has to say. Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum, And call you a person of place, But the woman in the glass says you're only a bum if you can't look her straight in the face. She's the woman to please, never mind all the rest, For she's with you clear up to the end, And you've pased your most dangerous, difficult test, If the woman in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears, If you've cheated the woman in the glass! Author Unknown |
| A Woman's Random Thoughts Skinny people annoy me. Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she didn't give a crap. They kept telling us, get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, Body, how'd you like to go to the 9 am class in vigorous toning? Clear as a bell my body said, "Do it bitch and you die." Gay, straight ... they all want blow jobs. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about Nothing (and then they marry him.) The way I look at it, if the kids are still alive when my husband comes home from work, then I've done my job. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day! If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their clothes. Author Unknown |
| The Politically Correct Woman She does not: GET PMS She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL She does not have: A KILLER BODY She is: TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE She is not: A BAD COOK She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE She is not: A BAD DRIVER She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED She is not a: PERFECT 10 She is: NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR She is not: EASY She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE She does not: HATE SPORTS ON TV She is: ATHLETICALLY BIASED She does not have: SEXY LIPS She is: COLLAGEN DEPENDENT She does not get: DRUNK She is: ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED You do not ask her: TO DANCE You request a: PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE She is not: A GOSSIP She is a: VERBAL TERMINATOR She does not: WORK OUT TOO MUCH She is an: ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER She does not have: A GREAT BUTT She is: GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS She is not: HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS She is: MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED She is not: COLD OR FRIGID She is: THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE She does not: WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED She does not have: GREAT CLEAVAGE Her breasts are: CENTRALLY LOCATED She will never: GAIN WEIGHT She will become: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER She is not: A SCREAMER OR MOANER She is: VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE She does not: SHAVE HER LEGS She experiences: TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION She does not have: A HARD BODY She is: ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE She does not: SUN BATHE She experiences: SOLAR ENHANCEMENT Her breast will never: SAG They will: LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD She does not: SHOP TOO MUCH She is: OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS She does not: CUT YOU OFF She becomes: HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE She does not have: BIG HAIR She is: OVERLY AEROSOLED She does not: SNORE She is: NASALLY REPETITIVE She does not: GET DRUNK She becomes: VERBALLY DYSLEXIC Author: Bruce Wolf |
| Top Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes. 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 8. Crying can be fun. 7. FAT CLOTHES. 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. 5. Why discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience. 4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible. 2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes. AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND: 1. OTHER WOMEN! Author Unknown |
| Why Women are Crabby We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we spend six months with our innards being kicked night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push." Just one more (or 10 ) good pushes, warrants a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place). Now we hit the grand finale: "Menopause" the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks ... Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women, the "weaker sex"? Yeah Right! Author Unknown |
| A Good Woman A good woman is proud. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs. A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears. A good woman has a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will at times have to inspire others to reach their full potential. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and forces toward the future. A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons meant to bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love. Author Unknown |
| A Woman Should Have A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... one old love she can imagine going back to ... and one who reminds her how far she has come ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a youth she's content to leave behind... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored ... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a feeling of control over her destiny ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to fall in love without losing herself ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... when to try harder ... and when to walk away ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... that her childhood may not have been perfect ... but its over ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... how to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... where to go ... be it to her best friend's kitchen table ... or a charming inn in the woods ... when her soul needs soothing ... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... what she can and can't accomplish in a day ... a month ... and a year ... Autho Unknown |
| Single Woman's Prayer Now I lay me down to sleep. Please don't send me no more creeps. Please just send me one good man. One without a wedding band. One good man who's sweet as pie. Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie. Who dresses neat and doesn't smell. And is sexy like my man Denzel. Is super-rich like Michael J. On second thought, that's okay. Man, if I should die before I wake, that would truly take the cake; No matrimony or honeymoon. No fancy reception planned for June. No throwing of the wedding bouquet. Please, God, don't let me go out that way. If I die before I meet Mr. Right I won't go out without a fight. But then again with my luck, He'd probably be just some schmuck. The single life is not that bad I know it's just a passing fad. I won't be blue. I will not frown. Besides, I like my toilet seat down. No more makeup, won't comb my hair. So never mind this stupid prayer. The single life will do just fine. So what's up, girlfriend? ... IT'S PARTY TIME!!!! Author Unknown |
| If Women Ruled The World A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" because he was breathing. Medical research money would be spent on birth control methods for men. Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be considered "Macho". The hem of men's pants would go up or down depending on the economy. Men would be forced to purchase overpriced clothes every season. Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey. The ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds for women. Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles. PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. Men would come with papers showing their true identity, marital and employment status, if they live with their mother, and whether they have had their shots. Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity. Men would get reputations for sleeping around. "Ms Magazine" would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad males. Men who designed women's shoes would be forced to wear them. Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime. Men would be as attentive AFTER marriage as they were before. Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for no credit. Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks". Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make. Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas. Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures. Men would learn phrases like: I'm sorry I love you You're beautiful Of course you don't look fat in that outfit Go to sleep-I'll take care of the baby, etc. Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments. Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking. Men would pay as much attention to their women as their cars. All toilet seats would be nailed down. Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers. TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one minute. All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator. Men would have their wedding rings permanently attached so they can't pretend to be single. During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year old boys. Author Unknown |
| Quotes From Women .... Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, She doesn't have what it takes. They will say, Women don't have what it takes. - Clare Boothe Luce I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart. - Ruth Graham You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" - Judy Tenuta I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. - Sue Grafton I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne I look just like the girls next door ... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. - Gilda Radner Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary. - Margaret Atwood I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinhem Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. - Catherine Aird Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. - Charlotte Whitton The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes (at 73) Authors All |
| Benefits Of Being Female ... We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers ... Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance. Taxis stop for us. We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Author Unknown |
| A Tribute To Woman They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy, And laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without new shoes so their children can have them. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel. And cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have a lot to say and a lot to give. Author Unknown |
| If Dr. Seuss Were a Woman, she'd write: I'm glad I'm a woman ... Yes I am, yes I am ... I don't live on Budweiser, beer, nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't drive to Hell before asking directions. I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown; And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down. I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt. My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut. I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch; or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch. I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind. I'm a woman, you see ... I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing- and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting. Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back. And when I bend over, you can't see my crack. I'm a woman, alas ... and I'm proud, don't you see? I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick. I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am! I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am! Author Unknown |
| MEN tal Illness MEN strual Cramps MEN tal Breakdown MEN opause GUY necologist ... AND ... When we have REAL trouble, it's a HIS terectomy. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? Author Unknown |
| I'm A Bitch, Are You? When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are. Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature that am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty. Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. I am proud to be a bitch! It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined. By God, I want what I want, and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it. Autho Unknown |
| Define B I T C H ... It's A Girl Thing! Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, I sit down to pee I can justify any shopping spree Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard-on I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas ... Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass My beauty's a masterpiece, and YES!! it takes long. At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong .. I don't drive in circles at any cost And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon Every time I have to go to the john I don't brag about the size of my cup Hey, put the seat down, 'cause I won't leave it up! I never forget an important date You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late I don't watch movies with lots of gore Don't need instant replay to remember the score I won't lose my hair I don't get jock itch And just cause I'm assertive ... Don't call me a B*I*T*C*H I don't wear the same underwear everyday The food in my fridge has no sign of decay Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her ... In your dreams, my dear, I can do better! Flowers are okay, but jewelry's BEST !! Would you look at my face, not at my chest! I don't have a problem expressing my feelings I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling ... Don't call me a girl ... a babe or a chick ... I am a WOMAN!! Get it?? You prick! So ... Just EXACTLY ... what is a BITCH ????? Being In Total Control of Herself Author Unknown |
"It is better to have loved and lost ...
than have spent the rest of your life with an asshole."
Author: A WISE WOMAN
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Helen Ready |
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