A Celebration Of Age

Originally this page was put up to mark my 40th birthday. Well time being what it is, it marches on and needless to say I am no longer 40. I'm older So now I guess this page will just be to mark all my birthdays from this point forward.

The point isn't how old you are chronologically, but how old you feel in mentally. Honestly I don't feel 40 plus years, I think I missed reading the *How To Act And Feel Your Age* series of books. So I simply don't act or feel my age.

My advice to anyone approaching a monumental birthday ... laugh at it! Grab it right up by the collar and tell it ... OH NO!!!! You aren't gonna make me feel old before my time!!!

Embrace the good things age has given you. Wisdom, history, but mostly time. You have been given time to live your life, don't let a simple matter of a number dictate how you feel. YOU DICTATE TO IT!

And celebrate each new day. It's a gift. No matter how bad that day is, tomorrow is always better. And so I will continue my celebration of life until it is time. Because this life is so very short and it hands you some really tough breaks, but I am gonna just keep going and going. Hey! Kinda like the Energizer Bunny ... HaHaHaHaHaHa!!

I will enjoy what time I have been given. And never ever fret a second about my age. When I really am old, chronologically speaking, then I will lQQk back upon all my successes and my failures too and just smile, because I will know that life was certainly good to me and how grateful I was for it all!

One of the nice things about getting to a more mature stage of life
is not being so hard on yourself when you're not perfect.
Wheeew ... what a relief!! ;D

Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill. AMEN!! ;D

KAAONA (Cancer) `A`ama
June 21 - July 22

Cancer, KAAONA in Hawaiian mythology, is depicted by the 'A'ama, a Crab akin to that of Greek mythology, the cardinal watery sign of the Prophet or Teacher. The 'A'ama is a highly regarded creature for once it has seized an object and means to have it, it will rather lose its claw than let go. If it is is lost, it will grow another to hold again.

Also characteristic of the 'A'ama is its phenomenal agility and fearlessness to tackle the most critical crevices among the lava rocks. Like their 'A'ama symbol, KAAONA persons demonstrate an adaptability with tenacity - in essence, patience. With admirable courage, KAAONAs meet obstacles and adversities with unwavering fortitude. They can face up to the most challenging of problems and survive life's most desperate hardships.

The fact that 'A'ama also means "one who is expert in gaining knowledge" is again indicative of KAAONA people. Both men and women are masters of many moods, and can run the gamut of emotions and influence others to do likewise, being themselves, excellent teachers.

Sensitive and sympathetic, the KAAONA, nonetheless, can be aggressive, seizing within their grasp that which will serve them in realizing a full productive life. Ancient Hawaiians further believed that KAAONA children were destined to be attractive and lovable. The Hawaiian Calendar states KAAONA is the month of the "Moon of Happiness".

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and a pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and
beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street.
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph

Age is a funny thing when you think about it ...
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when
we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that
you think in fractions ...

How old are you? ...
I'm 4 and half. You're never 36 and a half.
You're 4 and a half going on 5!

That's the key!!!

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number.

How old are you? ...
I'm gonna be 16. You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens ... you become 21.
But you see, even the words sounds like a ceremony.
You BECOME 21. YES!!!!

But then you turn 30. Ooohhh what happened there??
Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now.

What's wrong??

What changed???

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Stay over there, it's all slipping away ...

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.
My dreams are gone ...

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50
... and then you MAKE IT to 60.
I didn't think I'd make it.

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, You're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50,
you MAKE IT to 60 ... By then you build up so much speed ... You HIT 70 !!!!!

After that, it's a day by day thing.
After that you HIT Wednesday.
You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch.
And it doesn't end there ...

Into the 90's, you start going backwards ...
I was JUST 92.
Then a strange thing happens, if you make it over 100 ...
you become a little kid again ...
I'm 100 and a half!!!!!

Enjoy your age ... whatever it is!!!

Can Too!!!

Is for everyone
who has ever been told they can't do
something but had the courage to try.
It is not a defiant
rebelious outlook ...
on the contrary,

it strikes to lift us up
to our full potential.
Be part of the solution
instead of adding to the problem
Encourage others
and be encouraged ...

Aim High
Think Big
Live life to the fullest
Nothing Ventured
Nothing Gained
Silence your critics

Never Give Up!

You Know You're Getting "Marvelously Mature" When ...

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and
you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said
to you and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to
make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the
sun on your bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were
on your head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just
don't care anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't
even remember being on top of it.

This Moment

I may never see tomorrow. There's no written guarantee.
And things that happened yesterday belong to history,
I cannnot predict the future, I cannot change the past,
I have just the present moment, I must treat it as my last.

I must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away,
and be lost forever as part of yesterday,
I must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet,
Be a friend unto the friendless, make an empty life complete.

The unkind things I do today may never be undone,
And friendships that I fail to win may nevermore be won,
I may not have another chance on bended kness to pray,
And I thank God with a humble heart for giving me this Day.

Author Unkown

Painting Now The Picture

When my hair is thin and silvered,
and my time of toil is through.
When I've many years behind me,
and ahead of me a few,
I shall want to sit, I reckon,
sort of dreaming in the sun,
And recall the roads I've traveled
and the many things I've done.

I hope there'll be no picture
that I'll hate to look upon,
When the time to paint it better
or to wipe it out, is gone.
I hope there'll be no vision
of a hasty word I've said
That has left a trail of sorrow,
like a whip welt sore and red.

And I hope my old age dreaming
will bring back no bitter scene
Of a time when I was selfish,
or a time when I was mean.
When I'm getting old and feeble,
and I'm far along life's way,
I don't want to sit regretting
any bygone yesterday.

I am painting now the picture
that I'll want someday to see;
I am filling in a canvas
that will soon come back to me.
Though nothing great is on it,
and though nothing there is fine,
I shall want to look it over
when I'm old, and call it mine.

So I do not dare to leave it
while the paint is warm and wet,
With a single thing upon it
that I later will regret.

Author Unkown

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again ...

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner
even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less
about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day
because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted
like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children
and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television
and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth
would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never and bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy,
I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me
was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,
"Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" more "I'm sorry's" but mostly,
given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ... look at it and really see it
live it ... and never give it back.

Erma Bombeck
Wit & Wisdom

STRANGE OLD LADY

A very weird thing has happened.
A strange old lady has moved into my house.
I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in.
I certainly didn't invite her.
All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was.

She's very clever.
She manages to keep out of sight for the most part,
but whenever I pass a mirror,
I catch a glimpse of her there,
and when I look into a mirror directly to check my appearance,
suddenly she's hogging the whole thing,
completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.
It's very disconcerting.

I've tried screaming at her to leave
but she just screams back,
grimacing horribly.
She's really rather frightening.
If she's going to hang around,
the least she could do is offer to pay rent.

But no!!!
Every once in a while I do find a couple
of dollar bills on the kitchen counter,
or some loose change on my bureau or on the floor,
but that certainly isn't enough!
In fact, though I don't like to jump to conclusions ...
I think she steals money from me regularly.

I go to the ATM and withdraw a hundred dollars,
and a few days later, it's gone!
I certainly don't go through it fast!
So I can only conclude that the old lady pilfers it.

You'd think she'd spend some of it on wrinkle cream.
God knows, she needs it!
And the money isn't the only thing she's taking.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate.
Especially the good stuff - ice cream, cookies, candy.
I just can't keep them in the house.

She really has a sweet tooth.
She should watch it too, she's really putting on the pounds.
I think she realizes that,
and to make herself feel better,
I know she is tampering with my scale
so I'll think that I'm gaining weight too.

For an old lady, she's really quite childish.
She also gets into my closets when
I'm not home and alters all my clothes.
They're getting tighter every day.

Another thing I wish she'd stop messing with my files
and the papers on my desk.
I can't find a thing any more.
This is particularly hard to deal with because
I'm extremely neat and organized.
But she manages to jumble everything up
so nothing is where it's supposed to be.

Furthermore, when I program my VCR to tape something important,
she fiddles with it after I leave the room so
it records the wrong channel or shuts off completely.
She finds innumerable, imaginative ways to irritate me.
She gets to my newspapers, magazines
and mail before me and blurs all the print.
Then she's done something sinister
with the volume controls on my TV, radio, and phone.

Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She's also made my stairs steeper,
my vacuum cleaner heavier,
all my knobs and faucets hard to turn,
and my bed higher
and a real challenge to climb into and out of.

Furthermore, she gets to my groceries as soon as I shelve them
and applies super glue to the tops of every jar and bottle so they're
just about impossible to open.
Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night.
More than once her snoring has awakened me.
I don't know why she can't do something about that.
It's very unattractive.

As if all this isn't bad enough,
she is no longer confining her malevolence to the house.
She's now found a way to sneak into my car with me and follow
me wherever I go. I see her reflection in store windows as I pass,
and she's taken all the fun out of clothes shopping because
her penchant for monopolizing mirrors has extended to dressing rooms.

When I try something on, she dons an identical outfit.
Which looks ridiculous on her and then stands directly in front of me
so I can't see how great it looks on me.

I thought she couldn't get any meaner than that, but yesterday
she proved me wrong. She had the nerve to come with me when I went to
have some passport pictures taken, and she actually stepped in front
of the camera just as the shutter clicked. Disaster!

I have never seen such a terrible picture.
How can I go abroad now?
No customs official is ever going to believe
that crone scowling from my passport is me.
She's walking on very thin ice.
If she keeps this up, I swear,
I'll put her in a home.
On second thought, I shouldn't be too hasty.
First, I think I'll check with the IRS
and see if I can claim her as a dependent.

Written By:
Rose Mula

Getting Older

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.
Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun
to grow in the middle.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will
get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you
care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't
do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news ... the good news is
that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Midlife

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you
realize you are now so old,
you have to pay someone to look at you naked

The good news about midlife is that the
glass is still half-full of course, the bad news is that it
won't be long before your teeth are floating in it

Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we
have wingspans, we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
we are flying squirrels in drag

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in
front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around

You know you are getting old when you go
for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask
you to appear topless in film

You know you've crossed the midlife
threshold when you're in
the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of
"Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but
you don't bounce back (It's more like Splat!)

Midlife brings the wisdom that life
throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones

Midife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake
now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than
an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin)

Midlife is when you want to grab every
firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the
Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!

Midlife can bring out your angry,
bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all
teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?

Midlife is when you start to repeat
yourselfand your chins follow suit

Midlife is when you realize that if you
were a dog, you'd need a control top flea collar

Midlife is when your memory really
starts to go- The only thing you still retain is water

You become more reflective in midlife
You start pondering the "big" questions-what is
life, why am I here how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
before it's no longer a healthy choice?

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long
as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Times Are A Changing ...

1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high.
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

1970: Keg.
2000: EKG.

1970: Acid Rock.
2000: Acid Reflux.

1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

1970: Growing pot.
2000: Growing pot belly.

1970: Douglas Street bridge.
2000: Dental bridge.

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems.
2000: Roughage.

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2000: Popping joints.

1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

1970: Paar.
2000: AARP.

1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.

1970: Killer weed.
2000: Weed killer.

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2000: Hoping for a BM.

1970: The Grateful Dead.
2000: Dr. Kevorkian.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones.
2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principal's office.
2000: Calling the principal's office.

1970: Screw the system!
2000: Upgrade the system.

1970: Peace sign.
2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

1970: Take acid.
2000: Take antacid.

1970: Passing the driver's test.
2000: Passing the vision test.

1970: "Whatever"
2000: "Depends"

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and
admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the
garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends
and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a
pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to
recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good China and
crystal for every special event such as losing a pound,
getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I
wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look
prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of
groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special
parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and
tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on
my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I
want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known
that they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take
for granted. I think they would have called family members
and a few close friends. They might have called a few
former friends to apologize and mend fences for past
squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a
Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm
guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry
if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters that I intended to write one of these
days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband,
children, parents and friends often enough how much I truly love them.

I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save
anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And
every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is
special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

If you received this it is because someone cares for you. If
you're too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right
now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't do
the little thing that would make a difference in your
relationships? I can tell you it certainly won't be the last.
Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care
about, just to let them know that you're thinking of them.
"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true
friends don't need to hold hands because they know the
other hand will always be there."

Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Sung to the tune written by Elvis Presley

Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day..
When you had all your teeth and your gums?

Is your hairline receding?
Are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her, and its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain ... do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Is your blood pressure up and your cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit, metamucil to boot,
keeps you like a well oiled machine.
If it's football, or baseball ... he sure knows the score.

Yes, he knows where it's at ... but forgets what it's for.
So, your gall bladder's gone.
But his gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

When you're hungry, he's not.
When you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.

Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Age barometer ...
How many do you remember?

1. Blackjack chewing gum

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles

5. Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes

6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines

8. Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix ... Plaza-6933

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S&H Green Stamps

16. Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with levers

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulbs

20. Beanie and Cecil

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age

If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt?

What's your horoscope today?

And in parting ...
I have one last thing to say about ~ Age ~

Good Grief!!!
If you think age only brings you closer to death, forget it.
Age has nothing to do with death.
Some people don't even get as long as you may have already had.

Don't let the fact that you're 30 or 40 or 50 stand in your way.
It's a number, that's all.

Enjoy life because you are alive,
don't waste time fretting that those monumental birthdays are
gonna put another smile line on your face or may produce a grey hair.

Just smile more - no one will see them then.
Treat yourself to a new hair color and move on to something that really matters.

Who cares anyway?

*** BIG SMILE ***

See all my smile lines.
I wouldn't hide them for love nor money.
It just shows I've spent alot of time smiling, not aging.

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