Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
about my virtual trip.
It started from my IBM
with a simple little click.
I tried to surf the Internet
but things did not go well.
I wound up in a chat room
with some cyber geeks from hell.
They won't shut up
I can't escape
this AOL nightmare.
If I sign up to prodigy
I bet they'd find me there.
(Those geeks are everywhere.)
I'm stuck inside the World Wide Web
with weirdos I don't know.
I hit F1,
unplug the phone,
I can't click out
I can't click in.
It said ... SIT CHAT ...
Oh my god!
I'm trapped on the Internet!
Prayer for the Addicted
God, grant me the serenity
To accept a post I cannot change.
Courage to walk past the computer WITHOUT turning it on when I'm running late for work.
And the wisdom to know the difference between
"Come to bed now" meaning "let's have some fun"
and "come to bed NOW" MEANING "that computer has got to go!"
Dear Wife ...
I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of
our family. I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you
just kept telling me that you would BRB ... whatever that means. So, I decided
to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while
typing. Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound? Sorry about him
dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay since
I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on
your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off.
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank
you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack
underneath the cobwebs where she found them. Do you realize that she wears the
same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who
has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school now that he has a
sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we
bought you a laptop to bring along? Do you remember him? He's the one who
empties your porta potty for you.
Lets see...since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator
had to be replaced, the dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the
room where your computer is (hope you like the color), the church has a new
pastor, the President has been re-elected, and oh yes ... I have a new job.
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months.
You take care of yourself honey. We all "miss" you very much and will see you
the next time the power goes off!
Love,
Your Husband
The AOL Wife
So here I sit, in all my glory. Lend me an ear, and I'll tell you a story.
I once had a wife, all warm and cuddly. Then came AOL, and it all turned ugly!
Now there she sits for hours on end, don't care where I'm goin, or where I have been.
I could be home, or I could be gone. She really doesn't care, as long as she's online, that is.
After work she rushes home. I guess I shouldn't be mad. But its not to
see me, its to see what she's missed!!
To say Hi to her buddies, who live in that chat room, when this place needs
a mop, AND could sure use a broom!
So I'll just drink my beer, and watch some TV, and wonder just why she's
not talkin to me!
I sit here each day - GOD I NEED A LIFE - but that's how it is with an AOL wife.
I sat here and pondered just what I might do ... Heck, I got a screen name, now
I'm online TOO!!!!!!!
The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet
Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by
a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless
story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their In Box or on their
browser.
The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and
forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, E-Mail viruses,
taxes on modems, postcards for child cancer research and the merits of melanza.
"These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets
based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise
normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a
stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become
infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the
Internet.
"My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one
weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my
friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous."
Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about the Good
Times virus, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were
dozens of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must
be true." It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at
a Hoaxes Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been
hoaxed." Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check
whatever you read," she says.
Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus,
which include the following:
~ the willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking
~ the urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others
~ a lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true
T.C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, "I
read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your
hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the
Gullibility Virus, T.C. said he would stop reading e-mail, so that he would
not become infected.
Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts
recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to
their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to
thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely
discussed and exposed by the Internet community.
Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online
help from many sources, including:
Those people who are still symptom-free can help inoculate themselves
against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating
sources, such as:
Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the
Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards
them a hoax.
Disclaimer:
Unless noted I did not write any of these beautiful verses. I do not claim any credit for their exsistance. If you know who did compose anything on this site, please contact me as I would like to give the authors credit. Thank You!
