L ife Within Cyber Space
You Know You Are Addicted To The Internet When ...
You kiss your boyfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a
faster connection to the net: 28.8 ... ISDN ... cable modem ...
T1 ... T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site
address in print or on TV
even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved,
and you don't have a clue when it
happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can
hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a page-full of someone else's links, you notice all
of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have
neutral nicknames and you never
bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check
your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do,"
and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP ... because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in
front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage ... so you buy another computer
and install a second
phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
your first instinct is to search for the "back"
button.
Online Friends
We have to be leery of our "online friends";
The reason for this comes from deep down within.
Throughout our lives, from birth to the grave,
Our impressions of others come from how they behave.
We can touch them, feel them, see them, and hear,
the truth of their words through a multi-sensed ear.
We can tell by their eyes, or their language, or look,
If their words are sincere or out of a book.
But online the words we read on the screen,
We interpret to say what we want them to mean.
Our innermost feelings are brought forth there,
From the words that appear on the screen where we stare.
Does "I love you" from them mean the same as from me?
Or am I only a game to them and should I then flee?
Are they laughing, or joking, or smirking, or worse? ...
While I pour out my heart in short little spurts?
And that night on the phone, when we spoke those same words,
Did they hang up and say "Good God, what a nerd!"?
In all other places, we choose friends with care.
Online, it is sad, we must truly beware.
To all of you whom I've poured out my heart ...
Remember, be gentle, even though far apart.
Because "I love you" from me comes from deep down inside,
Where trust and hope and my true feelings hide.
And no matter the image I show to the rest,
My online friends know the real me the best.
While with you I share my fears and my dreams,
And I pray when we meet I am all that I seem.
Are you an internet addict?
See if you identify with any of
the following warning signs:
1. When filling out your driver's license application you
give your IP address.
2. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is,
instead you ask for their URL.
3. You discovered spam is a food.
4. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them
to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're
listening to you.
5. You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife" and refer
to your children as "client applications".
6. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my
domain server."
7. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out,
"I feel so colon-right parentheses!"
We met upon the Internet
A friendship electronic,
Expressed alone in words and thoughts,
Inevitably platonic.
We live too far apart for us
To mingle in the flesh,
But much more close than family,
Our hearts and feelings mesh.
Your dear, dear self reveals itself
Without a voice or face.
We have our own sweet home within
Our precious cyberspace.
90's Marriage
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
As
the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet,
a young man
burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged,
"May I please have
those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided.
"I broke my wife's hard drive!"
Want more Cyber Chuckles??
Life In Cyber Space - Part 4....
Right This Way!
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