It really is a life aside from your real world life.
With very few exceptions, there isn't anything you can't do on-line.
You can meet people, make friends, make enemies,
listen to music, send cards, join a society,
purchase whatever, get the news or the weather,
get medical advice, find out what is on TV, if you even watch it anymore,
keep a journal, view artwork and get all the information on things you
didn't even know exsisted.
You can even have a cyber marriage performed
and if it doesn't work...a cyber divorce too.
And without even typing a word you can tell someone how you are feeling:
Yes the information super highway has definatly taken on a life of its own.
I guess I will always be fascinated by Cyber Space and
I doubt I will ever leave it.
After all it beats cleaning the house.
Help me log on without fretting,
Guide me as I'm internetting,
Bless my down and uploading,
Keep my browser from exploding.
May my website be protected,
Let not my password be rejected.
Keep my line connection clear
And Tech Support always near!
Jerry Knoll
Text © Abbey Press, St. Meinrad, IN. 47577
Or ever shake your hand
I send my soul
Through time and space
To greet you
You will understand.
James Elroy Fletcher
Every night I lie in bed
This little prayer inside my head
God bless my family
and bless my children
and take care of my husband
he brings me so much joy.
God theres just one more thing
I wish that you would do
if you don't mind my asking
to just bless my puter too??
Now I know that it's not normal
to bless a small machine
but listen just a second
and I'll try to explain.
You see, that little metal box
holds more than odds and ends.
Inside those small components
rest a hundred loving friends.
Some its true I've never seen
and most I've never met
we've never shaken hands or
ever truly hugged, and yet..
I know for sure they love me
by the kindnesses they give
and this little scrap of metal
is how I get to where they live.
By faith is how I know them
much the same as I know you.
I share in their life
and them in mine
so if its ok with you...
Just take an extra minute
from your duties up above
to bless this little hunk of steel
thats filled with so much love.
So God,
Please Bless My Puter.
Amen.
But I know you're really there
I click you into reality
Like magic from the air.
Your voice is like an angel
Though I really do not hear;
Your hug as warm as any
Of loved ones I hold dear
You're always there for comfort
Or a word of cheer
Though you are very far away
I always have you near
You're a very special friend
Like none I've ever known
As long as you're in cyberspace
I'll never be alone
The true friends who we meet online
are a very special kind.
They pierce your shields and see within
the corners of your mind.
They're always there when you're in need
with their power to discern.
They feel your pain......they offer hope
and genuine concern.
We bare our souls, expose our hearts
and show our inner fears.
And then before you know it
the keyboard's stained with tears.
And if we could see them through that screen
then no one could deny
That to be a TRUE online friend
they too must surely cry.
Thanks for being my on-line friend!
It will re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, it will scramble
any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refigerator's coolness
setting so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It was demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
reprogram your ATM access code,
screw up the tracking on your VCR
and use subspace field harmonics to scratch
any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife)
your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer
and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table
when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys
when you are late for work
and interfere with your car radio so
that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair
and your Nair with Rogain.
all while dating your current boy/girlfriend (husband/wife)
behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa Card.
Bad Times will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up and
leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously
close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags
from your mattresses and pillows,
It will refill your skim milk with whole.
These are just a few signs.
Be afraid.
Be very, very afraid.
1. You have been online for 46 minutes..
Do you want to stay online?
Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off.
2. You have been online for 135 minutes.
Not to put any pressure on you,
but there ARE other people in the world who would like to sign on.
Let's show some sorry consideration for our fellow members and sign off,
whaddya say?
3. You DO realize that you've been online for 184 minutes,
Right? When was the last time you went outside?
4. OK. This is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to p... us off!
If you sign off now, we'll bring back your Buddy List OK? Yep, Finally
5. You have been online for 360 minutes now!!
We promised you unlimited time, we know,
but can't you just finish up NOW and go read a good book?
6. You have been online for 467 minutes.
Do you remember your family members' names?
7. You have been online for 513 minutes.
Your husband has left you and your dog is starving.
Do you wish to remain online?
8. You have been online 724 minutes.
Steve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord....
9. You have been online 852 minutes.
Do you KNOW how many HOURS that is???
10. You have been online for 921 minutes.
Do you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per
day due to busy phone lines?
Please sign-off to reduce these averages, or go to keyword:
CLASS ACTION to join a lawsuit.
11. You have been online for 967 minutes.
When AOL went unlimited they didn't think you would take it literally.
Now get the H... off before we go broke!
12. You have been on 1,013 minutes.
This is Steve I need to sign on m'self and answer some mail.
Could you please sign off? Thanks!
13. You have been cybering for 1059 minutes.
Didn't your mom ever tell you that'd make you go blind?
Please sign off now while you can still read this message.
14. You have been on 1105 minutes.
Are you and your family chatting in shifts?
Geez click OK already!!!
15 You have been on 1151 minutes
Welcome to our team... see job application enclosed.
If you can't beat 'em hire 'em.
But don't return by email.
I got up this morning, but haven’t yet dressed.
My dishes aren’t done, and my house is a mess.
Have not done my work, have not fed the cat,
Just on for a second, and popped into “chat”.
I used to watch TV, I used to cook Mex,
I think I remember I used to have SEX!
I used to walk upright, now roll on my chair,
‘Tho it causes the neighbors and children to STARE!
I wanted to travel around on the Net,
Been too busy chatting to get on there yet!
I wanted to spreadsheet, word process, or paint,
But gettin’ on with 'em is what I just ain’t!
So much to learn and I wanted to, but
I’m too busy chatting and splitting a gut,
“lisnin’” to people like NH and Cin,
Oh, gawd, what a fix I have got myself in!
Then up pops a name on my neat BuddyList,
Think I’ll go out and give HIS tail a twist!
And in comes an IM from some weirdo-guy,
I cuss ‘im, insult ‘im, and tell him ‘bye ‘bye.
Is there a 12-step support group, or such?
For those of us folks who just chat on too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prob’ly would be here on line!
Are there therapists here? I think that I saw some.
It’s got me, it’s GOT me, it’s power is AWESOME!
It’s my new computer, I’ve had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a geek.
Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs,
Please help me, please help me, please get me off line!
Or better, please e-mail a burger and fries,
‘Cuz I’m staying ON here, at least ‘til I DIES!!
K. Weston © 1996
Please Continue On To ...
Life Within Cyber Space
Part 2
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